It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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