I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
