My hand turned me down
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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