I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
