My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize