shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
