she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
