Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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