Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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