38 yer olds are good kisserssss
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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