Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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