Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
