one might say we're banned from that church
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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