That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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