There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
