I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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