I'm going to jail i love you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
