My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
