Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they're like a gay fantastic four
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
