i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
