my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't turn off my feet"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
