the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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