You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
