I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
