white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
