i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
