Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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