There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
