just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
