Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
