so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
