never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
