Who did Billy Mays play for?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
