If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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