can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
