Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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