Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
