If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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