and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
