420 ftw
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
