if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
zippers are such a cool invention
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
