Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
