I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
