I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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