just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
