Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize