I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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