It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
