Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize