the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
