Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
