i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
