i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
