we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
