Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im six kinds of drunk right now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
