the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
