half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
