You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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