Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
