I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
