the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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